Prepare to be penetrated.. By the sun.

First of all, this is my 100th post! Yay!!! It took so long for me to post this time because I was trying so desperately to find some sort of special idea for my 100th post like “100 reasons why..” “100 ways to..” But then I was like nah, screw it.. Imma just write a normal post. THEN I wrote this whole post and saved it as a draft because I had finished it around 11pm, and when I went to post it the next day it had DELETED ITSELF. SOAB!!!!!!!!!!!! So now I’m rewriting this bitch.

That being said let’s get into some serious penetration… Via the sun.


It was a beautiful, hot sunny day on the west coast of BC which is rare this time of year, and I decided I gotta get some tan on and terminate the albino paleness of my skin. But I want to do so safely, effectively and evenly; I don’t want to have terrible tan lines, one arm darker than the other, light/overly dark elbows and knees… So what should I do to prepare myself for that?

First thing is first, in order to get an even tan we need to first slough off our nasty winter skin through mechanical exfoliation. We can do so at home with a scrub, however I would recommend going to a pro because they do a really thorough job and will make sure to get the spots you can’t quite reach. Getting rid of these dead skin cells will help by allowing the sun to evenly enter the skin. Build up of dead skin cells will make it more difficult for the sun to enter the skin, and thus may leave you with an uneven looking tan. Ain’t nobody got time for an uneven tan! Head on in to a local spa to get a body polish done (or even a body wrap with hydrating qualities and a scrub included).


Secondly you’re going to want to hydrate the shit outta your skin. Haha don’t over-do it (as if you could) but hydrating your skin will help to prevent build up of dead skin cells and dry patches. These dry patches, just like dead skin cells, will (as previously stated) prevent sun from evenly entering the skin. Dry skin will not tan properly and will give you white patches when all is said and done. And we don’t want to be patchy now do we bitches?! (Sorry..) Not to mention that UV exposure can cause signs of aging, and hydrating will keep the skin plump and help to prevent signs of aging.

Now, you can also use a “self tanner” in order to hydrate your skin. Try not to choose one that is way off your regular skin color; if you’re skin is as white and albino as mine, don’t choose a medium to dark self tanning cream. You’ll get an unrealistic color that doesn’t quite look right… aka Oompa loompa or Nutella face…

nutellaLastly you’re going to want to protect your skin. The last thing we want is you to be an alligator down the road with a leather hide as skin. Protecting your skin will not only protect you for the future, but it will help you get that even tan that you’re looking for. When you get a burn, the sun most likely hits you unevenly and will burn unevenly across you, giving you a darker back and whiter front (just an example) where the slow and steady with sunscreen will give you a better tan. Yes, the slow and steady IS slow, but it’s the steady that counts! You’ll be protected and end up with a beautiful, even glow. Patience is a virtue my friends…

This photo literally repulses me. Please wear sunscreen

This photo literally repulses me. Please wear sunscreen


So hit the beaches and get your tan on! But be smart and safe about it and I hope you get a nice even tan! I hope I get one too! If I ever get outside… ;]





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